Until Death Us Do Part: Losing a Spouse, Three to Six months after loss
February 14, 2020
By now most of the big stuff is probably done. The thank you notes have been written and mailed. The marker or head stone has been placed or you’ve found a place for the urn. You’ve probably filed for the life insurance, and perhaps you’ve even begun to clean out his closet.
You may be wondering, what have I missed?
- Have you changed the titles to the car?
- Put the deed to the home in your name?
- Have you changed the utilities and cable service into your name?
- Is your medical power of attorney up to date?
- Have you updated your estate plan or will?
- Have you spoken to an accountant or tax expert about any tax consequences associated with gifts you have made or increased allocations from IRA or investments?
How about you? What are you doing to take care of you?
- Are you up-to–date with your health and dental care?
- Are you eating well?
- Are you learning to cook or have you gotten someone to mow the lawn?
- Have you had lunch or dinner with a friend?
- Have you done something fun? A movie? Golf? A ballgame?
Scientists tell us there is a hand/mind connection. Doing things with our hands actually increases our sense of well-being. Even simple chores such as washing the dishes, preparing your meal, or even making your bed help to provide purpose and a natural routine. Why not step outside of your box and try something creative that you used to enjoy doing or have thought about trying? Don’t discount the value of a craft, woodworking or art project.
Finally, see people. Human contact is vital to your new normal. If your friends and family aren’t calling you, then call them. Look for a movie you would like to see, a museum you would like to visit, or a restaurant you would like to try and ask someone to join you.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is around $8,300. A funeral with cremation has a national median cost of about $6,280, based on the 2024 General Price List Study. These figures are accurate as of 2025.
Thinking about what will happen after we're gone isn't something we often want to face, but it's certainly a considerate and practical step to take—especially if you're concerned about who will handle your final arrangements. Whether we have children or not, many of us might wonder, "Who will take care of my funeral plans?"
Funeral directors, often seen as the custodians of the last rites, perform a multitude of tasks that go beyond merely organizing a funeral service. Their work is intricate, demanding both emotional fortitude and meticulous attention to detail, ensuring dignity in death and solace for the living.
When the time comes to think about funeral arrangements, one of the first questions many of us have is, "How much will it cost?" It’s natural to look for a straightforward answer during such an emotionally charged time. However, much like finding the perfect car, the cost of a funeral varies widely depending on personal choices and specific needs.
When deciding on a final resting place, one of the biggest questions is whether to choose burial or cremation. And for many people, when they decide on burial, they’re only familiar with the option of in-ground burial. If you choose to have your final resting place in a cemetery, it’s true that you can have a traditional, in-ground grave, but that’s not your only option.
When saying goodbye to someone you love, you have a multitude of decisions to make. Some you might be prepared for, while other questions are new to you. One topic that many people are unfamiliar with is the concept of burial vaults and grave liners, which you may have to have in your loved one’s final resting place.
Food not only nourishes the body but also comforts the soul, making it a significant part of funeral traditions. Offering food signifies care and supports the healing journey during such tough times.
When you lose a loved one, it can feel like someone is missing for a long time, as day-to-day life looks different without them. This feeling can take a great deal of time to overcome, but taking the time to memorialize a loved one can be a wonderful way to begin or further the healing process. At first, it can feel painful to remember your loved one, but the more time you spend thinking about the ways you loved them and all the time you spent together, the more it can help you find some peace.
Embalming can be a controversial topic. Some people are opposed to it, whether due to personal or religious reasons, but for others, embalming is an important part of starting their grief journey and getting a chance to say goodbye to the person they love.
Planning a funeral is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences anyone can go through. It's a time filled with sorrow and an overwhelming list of decisions to make—ranging from selecting the final resting place to choosing the music, food, and flowers. In these moments, you might find yourself caught between a racing mind and an inability to move forward, feeling unprepared yet burdened by the looming responsibilities.
