Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral
March 8, 2019
You are with someone with whom you share some history. Maybe it’s a brother, sister, or a childhood friend. You are talking about an event from the “old days” and you suddenly realize you all remember the event a little differently. Most of us have had this experience. Our relationships work in a similar fashion. The way we love, like the way we remember, is unique to each of us.
A man’s children know him as Dad. Each child knows and loves a slightly different Dad. His wife knows and loves him in yet a different way. A wife may know fears, strengths, hopes, and dreams children never saw. They all love, but in such different ways. Though not a bad thing, it can add to the stress a family experiences during a death and subsequence funeral planning.
So how do you preserve your family relationship and plan a funeral that provides comfort for each family member?
Emotions are raw when families are mourning a death. Tread lightly and be kind. Remember you may want to have Thanksgiving dinner with these people in a few months!
Embalming can be a controversial topic. Some people are opposed to it, whether due to personal or religious reasons, but for others, embalming is an important part of starting their grief journey and getting a chance to say goodbye to the person they love.
Planning a funeral is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences anyone can go through. It's a time filled with sorrow and an overwhelming list of decisions to make—ranging from selecting the final resting place to choosing the music, food, and flowers. In these moments, you might find yourself caught between a racing mind and an inability to move forward, feeling unprepared yet burdened by the looming responsibilities.
Can you have a “do it yourself funeral” is a question one cannot answer for oneself. For obvious reasons … you simply cannot … you as a deceased person will not be able to undertake any of the actions required to carry off the task. If one is thinking along this line … wishing for a home-based funeral for themselves … one needs to ask their family, can you have a home-based funeral… for me? Do you feel up to the task?
Being buried or cremated is just a personal choice. A choice that a person makes based on what they believe and what they hope will bring comfort to their family. The important thing that we need to cling to is a reverence for life. A life ending leaves a hole or at least a dent in the lives of those left behind. Those who knew and loved the person who died. There are tears, laughter, and memories to share. Whether we bury or cremate, whichever is chosen, we all must find a way to acknowledge the loss of a life. That is what makes us human … we live, we love, we care, we grieve.
Final disposition is a personal choice. For many, their choice is guided by their religion, with many faiths having rules and restrictions about the proper way to spend forever. For many years, final disposition meant burial for Catholics, but what’s allowed today? Can Catholics be cremated? And, if so, are there rules on how to handle a cremated loved one?
Choosing to spend eternity together is a beautiful way to show that the love between you and your partner does not end with your passing. When you pick out a burial plot in a cemetery, you’re deciding on a space where you can continue to be in one another’s company after your time together in this world has passed.
Finding the right words to express your feelings during such a deeply emotional time can feel daunting, and there is often a fear of saying something that might inadvertently cause more pain. We want to reassure you that your efforts to convey sympathy and your decision to be present are already profoundly supportive. In this guide, we'll provide you with straightforward advice to help alleviate some of this anxiety, ensuring that your words are both comforting and appropriate.
When we say goodbye to the people we love, we often have certain traditions. Some of these traditions come from our families, but for many people, the faith they had in life informs the way their spirits are given a final farewell. When it comes to the Catholic faith, the Church offers a purposeful way to say goodbye, one that strengthens their bond with God and the community’s faith in Christ. This tradition is called the Catholic funeral rites or the Catholic burial rites, which contain three vital parts.
Today, our options have multiplied. We can choose to be embalmed, cremated, or buried. We can choose to have a faith-based service or a secular celebration of life. We can choose to have an almost immediate burial, or we can wait for a more convenient time. We can even choose to have a home-based funeral service. Regardless of how we decide to say good-bye to our loved ones, we have access to the guidance of caring professionals: our local funeral directors, who operate under the guidelines and legal requirements of the state in which we reside.
Attending a funeral is one of those things that makes everyone pause, not just because of the emotional weight, but also the big question: "What do I wear?" Let’s discuss.
